Since I wrote my last declarative post about pursuing art full time I'd like to say that I've been working full steam ahead, waking up early to run 5 miles and painting all day only emerging from the studio for a salad then diving back into the art. Truth is I make a sucky boss for myself and I still sometimes doubt that I'm doing the right thing. It's hard when you don't have money to...oh I don't know...buy FOOD and you know that you aren't contributing yet to the household income. It makes me feel desperate and worried that things like cars not held together tape will never be a part of my future. I want a house and kids in a couple of years and I worry that I can never have these things if I'm an artist.
I like working from home a lot more than I did at the beginning of the year, but I feel like I'm now just starting to get the hang of it, and I still slip up a lot. When I don't wake up until 10:30 and I think that I'm going running in the evening so I don't shower, then I waste too much time on the internet, and Mike comes home to find me un-showered, depressed, feeling fat cause I didn't run, and guilty that I didn't get more done, it's hard not to feel like a failure. Sometimes when I slip up it feels like it's reaffirming my conviction that I suck at this and I should get a "real job". It's hard to get out of this negative downward spiral sometimes and I worry that I'll end up back where I was earlier this year: eating egg white burritos in my pajamas watching endless episodes of "Intervention" congratulating myself on not being a meth addict.
The art and what to do with it when it's made I think will fall into place with enough research and work and that I just need to take things one step at a time. Without enough time to work with though I know I'll never get anywhere. My problem is time, more specifically time management. So I tried researching on the internet how to be more productive at home, listened to motivational speeches while prepping my boards, and read about time management skills. While things aren't great yet, they are getting better. Take today for example. I woke up at 6am, got out of bed finally at 6:15, did a yoga tape, showered, ate breakfast, did too much puttering on the internet, and am writing this blog post as my wax heats up. Was today a perfect schedule? No. Am I still ready for the day at a reasonable hour and am wearing real pants? Yes. You gotta celebrate the little things. It's taken me a long time to figure out how to work from home and I still sometimes forget, so I'm writing out a list of the things I've discovered that help me working as a full time artist from home. It's the advice I wish I would have read when I started this, and maybe it will help someone else.
-Set an alarm like you're going to work. Don't just set it to "see how you feel" and give yourself an option to turn it off. It's early, you're going to feel tired. Unless you're really sick get out of bed.
-Make the bed. If you're working from home it's tempting to get back into bed when you get tired, and constantly walking past a messy bed in the middle of the day makes me feel that I'm living like a delinquent cave man (maybe your thing is dirty dishes or towels on the floor).
-Have a reasonable schedule. Maybe you're one of those people that can wake up and just get stuff done and waste no time. If so I hate you. Plan a schedule that includes all things you want to do during the day and give yourself a reasonable amount of time to do them in. Too idealistic of a schedule might give you something to strive for but it can also make you feel like you're failing.
-Exercise. Do it in the morning, in the evening, during your lunch break, just do something. I've discovered that I'm in a much better mood if I've run or done yoga in the morning and it makes my whole day feel better. I don't care if it's hard core weight lifting, jazzerise or a walk around the block, you gotta move.
-Get outside at least once a day. I work in a basement and some days it feels like I'm in a cave. Sometimes several days will go by without me leaving the house and I wonder why it feels like I'm going crazy. Going on a run, a walk, a trip to the store, or even just meeting someone for coffee during your lunch break can ease the cabin fever.
-Carry a timer with you. Maybe this is just me, but sometimes my half hour breakfast will become an hour and a half without me even noticing. Using a timer keeps me more on schedule. I also use it for when I'm working so there is an end point in sight. When you work where you live and live where you work sometimes it's hard to leave things behind and move on in either direction. Which leads me to my next tip...
-Work when you're working and play when you're playing. Sometimes I end up doing neither really, and I end up in a zombie state where I'm not really relaxing or doing anything fun because I should be working, but I'm also not really working. I'm plorking.... I know I need to work more on this one so I that can actually enjoy my free time without feeling guilty.
-Get ready for the day. For me this involves not always working in lounge pants, sometimes putting on make up even though no one else is around, and wearing jewelery just for the hell of it. I miss getting ready and picking out outfits to go to work, so I'm trying to create studio friendly outfits that are cute and still functional. I don't know why a little mascara makes me feel like my day has started but it does. Find something that makes you feel good about yourself and do it even if no one but you notices.
-When you do screw up, don't let it ruin the week. If you do over sleep, don't get anything done, get way off schedule, or mess around too much, try not to let it ruin your whole week. This is something I'm still working on and I know that one bad day can send my into a guilt spiral that can suck a whole month down with it like a whirlpool of uselessness (a black-hole of non-productivity?). I'm trying to let those bad days go and start again the next day reminding myself that I'm trying to form good habits, that it takes time and it won't happen overnight. I wasn't perfect when I tried art the first time but I kept trying and screwing up and trying again until I got better. While I'm not perfect at this yet I think that I am getting better, or at least I'm trying to be more positive about my mistakes.
Peace!
Showing posts with label full time artist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label full time artist. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Making a Decision
I've recently made a big decision about my life, and thought since I have this outlet I'd like to write about my decision making process and everything that I've been thinking about for the past 9 months or so. It's long, so bear with me...or don't. I really wrote this to get things off my chest and not for other people.
I've been involved with art pretty much all of my life, and one of the first jobs I was interested in as a kid (besides being a rock star) was being an artist. After many different career ideas, some serious and some not so much, I came back to art officially in the middle of my sophomore year. I never thought that I could make it as a full time artist because that plan sounded so vague, and I didn't have much faith in my artwork at that time, so I planned on becoming an art teacher instead. I figured that I could still be involved with art, but through a steady 9-5 (or 7:30-3:30) job with benefits and summers off to pursue my own artwork on the side. I discovered that I liked teaching, and was good at it. I loved putting together craft lessons for the kids at KidSpirit, and volunteering in the schools. Hell, most of the time I even liked teaching random subjects from a script in Korea. However, things started to change during grad school.
I loved the high school I was teaching at, I loved my mentor teacher there, and I loved the kids, but I hated the system that we were working in. I hated the overcrowded classrooms, lack of supplies (and we had a lot more supplies than other schools), pressure of time constraints, the grading (seriously! art can be really objective!) and the complete lack of a personal life that I had because I was constantly running myself ragged trying to keep up with the amount of work. Now I know that grad school isn't what real teaching is like, but I saw what the schedule was doing to the other teachers there, and they were all tired and stressed. My migraines got so bad that year that I would have to turn off the lights in my classroom and teach in semi-dark, and on more than one occasion I would come home and throw up because the pain had gotten so bad during the day. Still I liked the kids and I wanted to do right by them so I kept it up. Things got really bad after I went to the middle school. It wasn't only my mentor teacher there (who made me cry all the time), it was everything. There was NO TIME to do anything in, and the little time we had the kids mostly spent cleaning, I had to account for every single pencil and eraser I gave them because there were no supplies, they had redone the schedule so that I barely had a chance to learn their names before they were out of my class, and many of the kids were downright mean and nasty to me as my thanks for everything that I was doing.
I graduated with my Master of Arts in Teaching and my teaching license, still determined to teach and hoping desperately that my classes wouldn't be as bad as what I had experienced at the end of the year. I went to the Oregon educators fair with my newly printed resumes expecting to find some lead on a job only to leave feeling defeated and rejected. Everyone I talked to there basically gave a me "good luck with that..." when I told them I was there for art positions. Undaunted I watched EdZapp, the Portland public schools site, and Craigslist for teaching positions. By the end of the summer I had applied for 14 teaching positions and only had one interview for a part time job in an after school art program, during which the lady took one look at my resume and before I even sat down announced that I was over qualified. When the first week of school came and my husband and all our teaching friends went back to school I was devastated. I think I moped around the house for a week feeling sorry for myself until I made the decision to put together a studio and start making art.
Once I had a purpose again I started to feel better, but things still moved very slowly. I was starting from scratch with no supplies and no real plan or experience. Little by little I've put together a workable studio in my basement, got the supplies I need, figured out a system for making my art, bought myself a website, and have started getting my work out there in shows and galleries. I'm still not good about keeping a strict schedule, but I have a timeline mapped out that I try to stick with and I'm slowly getting better about being my own boss. I feel excited about the prospect of being a full time artist in a way I haven't felt excited about anything, including teaching, for a while.
However, now it's spring and the teaching positions are starting to open up again. People keep asking me if I'm going to look for a teaching job for next year, or they ask how the job search is going and offer suggestions. The first piece of advice they usually offer me is that I should substitute. Of course! Substituting! Why didn't I even think about that?! Newsflash: I know I could substitute, I just don't want to. I didn't get into teaching to be called randomly at 5 in the morning to teach a subject I'm not familiar with to a group of kids I don't know who will probably give me a hard time just because I'm a sub. Besides, the work isn't that good for people who are not already in the public school system. From what I've discovered the sub job are going to retired teachers who the principals already know and who are coming out of retirement and entering the sub pool because the economy sucks. The one sub list that I had a chance of getting on was closed. So...no I'm not going to substitute. The other suggestion is usually that I should get any job, work as a waitress, work as a barista, work in an office, didn't I hear that the grocery store down the street is looking for bag girls?! Well...if you think I'm the only one looking for work right now you apparently don't turn on the TV, radio, or walk outside and see the shops being boarded up. I've scoured Craigslist, searched the Multnomah county employment website, and applied to tons of jobs I'm qualified for. Everyone right now is looking for work and the only thing I'm really qualified for anymore is to teach (which I can't get into), but my masters degree makes me over qualified for everything else. Besides, I've done those jobs before. I've been the barista, the janitor, the warehouse worker, burger flipper, day camp instructor, office assistant, store clerk, English tutor, and camp counselor. I feel like I've put in my time doing jobs I don't like, I've gotten my higher education, and I'm ready for a career. I want something that I can do for the rest of my life. I'm tired of waiting for my "adult life" to start. I feel like the people in my generation were lied to. We were always told: "Study in school, get good grades and you'll get a good job". I got a f*#$%ing 4 point in grad school! Where is my good job?! I drop thousands in my education for people to tell me I should apply for the part time job at the coffee shop? I don't think so.
Everytime I do apply for one of those jobs my art suffers. Everytime I spend the day filling out online applications for some job I don't really want just to satisfy other people's expectations of what I should be doing I can't paint the next day. Everytime I look for other jobs I'm telling myself that my art is just a hobby, that nothing will come of it and that it's not a "real" job to be an artist. I can't keep straddling the fence like this, making art and creating plans for what I want to do with it while simultaneously telling myself it's just temporary. I need to make a choice, but it's been hard and I have a lot of questions. If I pursue art full time and it ends up being successful then will I ever get to teach? Did I waste all this time in college and grad school learning to be a teacher instead of concentrating more on my art? What about my masters degree? Did I just put myself into debt for a degree and a license I'll never use? Should I continue to pursue teaching even though the thought of teaching in a formal school setting fills me with anxiety and dread now? Will other people think I'm just being lazy and am avoiding work? What if nothing ever comes from my art? I've been asking myself all these questions and have been driving myself crazy for months, knowing that soon I'd have to make a decision by spring.
I have finally made a decision that makes my happy, keeps me sane and that works for both Mike and myself. I've decided not to apply for any more jobs, teaching or otherwise, and to pursue art full time for at least another year or so. Ever since I graduated from Western I feel like my future and my career has been in other people's hands and has been out of my control. Making art and being my own boss gives me that control back. I know that galleries and customers still determine if I make any money, but they don't determine if I'm working or not. I can get up everyday and work without needing to beg and plead for a job, and if I don't make money in one venue I can try something else. I waited 9 months for someone else to give me a job, but now I'm tired of waiting and am creating my own business instead. I don't have to give up on teaching entirely either. Many artists who I admire teach workshops out of their studios, and I've always wanted to teach art to kids after school on a weekly basis as well. When things are more stable and I'm able to buy extra supplies I can start teaching art the way I want to, without the pressure of grading, with whatever supplies I want to provide, for as long as I want the class to last, and with people who are choosing actively to learn about art. Eventually I hope to find a balance doing both, but in the beginning I know I'll need to concentrate on just my art. Mike supports my choice 100% and in fact has been my biggest cheerleader in all of this. He really believes that I can do something awesome with my art and I don't want to let him down. We will be fine living off of his income though things will be tight and certain things like cars, houses, and kids might be delayed a little. I can still afford my supplies because I do data entry for my mom about once a week for some extra cash and therefore am not putting us into debt to get my business started. If we weren't able to make ends meet I wouldn't be pursuing this, but now is really the perfect time to take a chance.
So that's my decision. No more searching or applying for jobs. If you don't take what I'm doing seriously I really don't care anymore. I already have a job; I'm an artist.
I've been involved with art pretty much all of my life, and one of the first jobs I was interested in as a kid (besides being a rock star) was being an artist. After many different career ideas, some serious and some not so much, I came back to art officially in the middle of my sophomore year. I never thought that I could make it as a full time artist because that plan sounded so vague, and I didn't have much faith in my artwork at that time, so I planned on becoming an art teacher instead. I figured that I could still be involved with art, but through a steady 9-5 (or 7:30-3:30) job with benefits and summers off to pursue my own artwork on the side. I discovered that I liked teaching, and was good at it. I loved putting together craft lessons for the kids at KidSpirit, and volunteering in the schools. Hell, most of the time I even liked teaching random subjects from a script in Korea. However, things started to change during grad school.
I loved the high school I was teaching at, I loved my mentor teacher there, and I loved the kids, but I hated the system that we were working in. I hated the overcrowded classrooms, lack of supplies (and we had a lot more supplies than other schools), pressure of time constraints, the grading (seriously! art can be really objective!) and the complete lack of a personal life that I had because I was constantly running myself ragged trying to keep up with the amount of work. Now I know that grad school isn't what real teaching is like, but I saw what the schedule was doing to the other teachers there, and they were all tired and stressed. My migraines got so bad that year that I would have to turn off the lights in my classroom and teach in semi-dark, and on more than one occasion I would come home and throw up because the pain had gotten so bad during the day. Still I liked the kids and I wanted to do right by them so I kept it up. Things got really bad after I went to the middle school. It wasn't only my mentor teacher there (who made me cry all the time), it was everything. There was NO TIME to do anything in, and the little time we had the kids mostly spent cleaning, I had to account for every single pencil and eraser I gave them because there were no supplies, they had redone the schedule so that I barely had a chance to learn their names before they were out of my class, and many of the kids were downright mean and nasty to me as my thanks for everything that I was doing.
I graduated with my Master of Arts in Teaching and my teaching license, still determined to teach and hoping desperately that my classes wouldn't be as bad as what I had experienced at the end of the year. I went to the Oregon educators fair with my newly printed resumes expecting to find some lead on a job only to leave feeling defeated and rejected. Everyone I talked to there basically gave a me "good luck with that..." when I told them I was there for art positions. Undaunted I watched EdZapp, the Portland public schools site, and Craigslist for teaching positions. By the end of the summer I had applied for 14 teaching positions and only had one interview for a part time job in an after school art program, during which the lady took one look at my resume and before I even sat down announced that I was over qualified. When the first week of school came and my husband and all our teaching friends went back to school I was devastated. I think I moped around the house for a week feeling sorry for myself until I made the decision to put together a studio and start making art.
Once I had a purpose again I started to feel better, but things still moved very slowly. I was starting from scratch with no supplies and no real plan or experience. Little by little I've put together a workable studio in my basement, got the supplies I need, figured out a system for making my art, bought myself a website, and have started getting my work out there in shows and galleries. I'm still not good about keeping a strict schedule, but I have a timeline mapped out that I try to stick with and I'm slowly getting better about being my own boss. I feel excited about the prospect of being a full time artist in a way I haven't felt excited about anything, including teaching, for a while.
However, now it's spring and the teaching positions are starting to open up again. People keep asking me if I'm going to look for a teaching job for next year, or they ask how the job search is going and offer suggestions. The first piece of advice they usually offer me is that I should substitute. Of course! Substituting! Why didn't I even think about that?! Newsflash: I know I could substitute, I just don't want to. I didn't get into teaching to be called randomly at 5 in the morning to teach a subject I'm not familiar with to a group of kids I don't know who will probably give me a hard time just because I'm a sub. Besides, the work isn't that good for people who are not already in the public school system. From what I've discovered the sub job are going to retired teachers who the principals already know and who are coming out of retirement and entering the sub pool because the economy sucks. The one sub list that I had a chance of getting on was closed. So...no I'm not going to substitute. The other suggestion is usually that I should get any job, work as a waitress, work as a barista, work in an office, didn't I hear that the grocery store down the street is looking for bag girls?! Well...if you think I'm the only one looking for work right now you apparently don't turn on the TV, radio, or walk outside and see the shops being boarded up. I've scoured Craigslist, searched the Multnomah county employment website, and applied to tons of jobs I'm qualified for. Everyone right now is looking for work and the only thing I'm really qualified for anymore is to teach (which I can't get into), but my masters degree makes me over qualified for everything else. Besides, I've done those jobs before. I've been the barista, the janitor, the warehouse worker, burger flipper, day camp instructor, office assistant, store clerk, English tutor, and camp counselor. I feel like I've put in my time doing jobs I don't like, I've gotten my higher education, and I'm ready for a career. I want something that I can do for the rest of my life. I'm tired of waiting for my "adult life" to start. I feel like the people in my generation were lied to. We were always told: "Study in school, get good grades and you'll get a good job". I got a f*#$%ing 4 point in grad school! Where is my good job?! I drop thousands in my education for people to tell me I should apply for the part time job at the coffee shop? I don't think so.
Everytime I do apply for one of those jobs my art suffers. Everytime I spend the day filling out online applications for some job I don't really want just to satisfy other people's expectations of what I should be doing I can't paint the next day. Everytime I look for other jobs I'm telling myself that my art is just a hobby, that nothing will come of it and that it's not a "real" job to be an artist. I can't keep straddling the fence like this, making art and creating plans for what I want to do with it while simultaneously telling myself it's just temporary. I need to make a choice, but it's been hard and I have a lot of questions. If I pursue art full time and it ends up being successful then will I ever get to teach? Did I waste all this time in college and grad school learning to be a teacher instead of concentrating more on my art? What about my masters degree? Did I just put myself into debt for a degree and a license I'll never use? Should I continue to pursue teaching even though the thought of teaching in a formal school setting fills me with anxiety and dread now? Will other people think I'm just being lazy and am avoiding work? What if nothing ever comes from my art? I've been asking myself all these questions and have been driving myself crazy for months, knowing that soon I'd have to make a decision by spring.
I have finally made a decision that makes my happy, keeps me sane and that works for both Mike and myself. I've decided not to apply for any more jobs, teaching or otherwise, and to pursue art full time for at least another year or so. Ever since I graduated from Western I feel like my future and my career has been in other people's hands and has been out of my control. Making art and being my own boss gives me that control back. I know that galleries and customers still determine if I make any money, but they don't determine if I'm working or not. I can get up everyday and work without needing to beg and plead for a job, and if I don't make money in one venue I can try something else. I waited 9 months for someone else to give me a job, but now I'm tired of waiting and am creating my own business instead. I don't have to give up on teaching entirely either. Many artists who I admire teach workshops out of their studios, and I've always wanted to teach art to kids after school on a weekly basis as well. When things are more stable and I'm able to buy extra supplies I can start teaching art the way I want to, without the pressure of grading, with whatever supplies I want to provide, for as long as I want the class to last, and with people who are choosing actively to learn about art. Eventually I hope to find a balance doing both, but in the beginning I know I'll need to concentrate on just my art. Mike supports my choice 100% and in fact has been my biggest cheerleader in all of this. He really believes that I can do something awesome with my art and I don't want to let him down. We will be fine living off of his income though things will be tight and certain things like cars, houses, and kids might be delayed a little. I can still afford my supplies because I do data entry for my mom about once a week for some extra cash and therefore am not putting us into debt to get my business started. If we weren't able to make ends meet I wouldn't be pursuing this, but now is really the perfect time to take a chance.
So that's my decision. No more searching or applying for jobs. If you don't take what I'm doing seriously I really don't care anymore. I already have a job; I'm an artist.
Monday, November 8, 2010
The cons of working from home
Let me first say that I had a great time at my first art show! Lots of my friends and family came out to see me and the art, there were some crazy performances, heaps of food, and a gallery full of interesting art. Although my piece didn't sell I did get a lot of compliments and a lot more confidence in my work. All in all it was a great experience. Below is a picture my mom took of me by my piece in the show (it was right next to a Chuck Bloom piece! Squee!!)
Although the show inspired me to make more work it's still hard for me to get motivated on a daily basis. Here's my dirty little secret: I'm kinda lazy and make a terrible boss for myself. When I first started to seriously consider this art adventure I had visions of myself waking up at dawn to run five miles or do yoga, reading serious news stories while drinking coffee, then working for hours in my studio on groundbreaking paintings, stopping only for a quick salad until dinner. The reality is more like I would wake up at dawn to turn off my alarm before it even went off and go back to sleep until about 10am when I would guiltily crawl out of bed and putter on Facebook and I Can Has a Cheeseburger. I'd surf the internet until I was so hungry I either had to go running or give up and just have breakfast/lunch, which I would usually eat while watching episodes of Intervention which assured me that even though it was 2pm and I hadn't brushed my teeth things were still good because at least I wasn't addicted to meth. If I got down to my studio during the day it was only for a couple hours and I never got much done, but still congratulated myself for even entering the basement.
Seriously if I was working for a real company I would have been fired long ago. The thing is that when I'm working in the schools or have a real job to leave the house for I'm pretty motivated and hard working, but I'm just not strict enough with myself. I think that part of it is that it I don't have to leave the house to work and thus get distracted by the A and E's awesome shows full of dysfunctional people and giant piles of dishes in the sink. If I want to have a shot at being a successful artist I have to treat this more like a regular job with set hours and a schedule, even if I am in my muffin pants and pink slippers. During a rare fit of motivation I made myself a strict schedule that made time for things that were most important to me: painting, running/working out, reading, and some quality time for dinner with my husband. Today is day one of following my schedule because last week I was sick and mainly lay around watching Hoarders and eating Lipton's noodle soup from a box. So far so good...I've run for the first time since my race, showered, had breakfast, and even remembered to take my vitamins. I'm running 15 minutes behind schedule but am all ready to go down into my studio before noon. I'm feeling so productive I might even get around to brushing my teeth before Mike comes home.
If you want to see the anal retentive schedule I'm created for myself I've posted it below. Lets see how long this productive feeling lasts for...
Although the show inspired me to make more work it's still hard for me to get motivated on a daily basis. Here's my dirty little secret: I'm kinda lazy and make a terrible boss for myself. When I first started to seriously consider this art adventure I had visions of myself waking up at dawn to run five miles or do yoga, reading serious news stories while drinking coffee, then working for hours in my studio on groundbreaking paintings, stopping only for a quick salad until dinner. The reality is more like I would wake up at dawn to turn off my alarm before it even went off and go back to sleep until about 10am when I would guiltily crawl out of bed and putter on Facebook and I Can Has a Cheeseburger. I'd surf the internet until I was so hungry I either had to go running or give up and just have breakfast/lunch, which I would usually eat while watching episodes of Intervention which assured me that even though it was 2pm and I hadn't brushed my teeth things were still good because at least I wasn't addicted to meth. If I got down to my studio during the day it was only for a couple hours and I never got much done, but still congratulated myself for even entering the basement.
Seriously if I was working for a real company I would have been fired long ago. The thing is that when I'm working in the schools or have a real job to leave the house for I'm pretty motivated and hard working, but I'm just not strict enough with myself. I think that part of it is that it I don't have to leave the house to work and thus get distracted by the A and E's awesome shows full of dysfunctional people and giant piles of dishes in the sink. If I want to have a shot at being a successful artist I have to treat this more like a regular job with set hours and a schedule, even if I am in my muffin pants and pink slippers. During a rare fit of motivation I made myself a strict schedule that made time for things that were most important to me: painting, running/working out, reading, and some quality time for dinner with my husband. Today is day one of following my schedule because last week I was sick and mainly lay around watching Hoarders and eating Lipton's noodle soup from a box. So far so good...I've run for the first time since my race, showered, had breakfast, and even remembered to take my vitamins. I'm running 15 minutes behind schedule but am all ready to go down into my studio before noon. I'm feeling so productive I might even get around to brushing my teeth before Mike comes home.
If you want to see the anal retentive schedule I'm created for myself I've posted it below. Lets see how long this productive feeling lasts for...
| MWF Schedule | |
| Time | Activity |
| 6:30am | Wake up, change & stretch |
| 7:00-8:00 | Workout |
| 8:00-9:00 | Shower, change, get ready |
| 9:00-9:30 | Breakfast |
| 9:30-10:00 | Research, email, blog |
| 10:00-12:00 | Studio time |
| 12:00-12:30 | Lunch |
| 12:30-5:30 | Studio time |
| 5:30-6:00 | Cleaning time |
| 6:00 | Start dinner |
| 7:00-8:00 | Dinner |
| 8:00-9:30 | Free time |
| 9:30-10:00 | Get ready for bed |
| 10:00-10:30 | Read in bed |
| 10:30pm | Sleep |
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Starting Over
Well, this year didn't exactly go according to plan. I applied to about 13 different teaching positions and only got one interview for an after school day care program who took one look at my resume and told me I was over qualified. September came and went and all my teacher friends went back to school and I was left behind. I felt like staying in bed for a week. It was tough because I worked so hard to get my license and nothing has come of it. I have a 4 point and taught in a foreign country!! Does that mean nothing to you people?!
Everyone has advice for me. Subbing is their main solution. I'm sorry, but teaching subjects I'm not qualified in, with students that aren't mine, in a school that probably turned me down for a teaching position...nothing about that gets me excited. I also don't want to just teach art classes at my house after school because I don't want to be used as daycare, I don't have any supplies, and what about liability? What if little Timmy lights himself on fire in my house while we're drawing (don't ask why there would be fire, I'm sure they'd find some)? Right now I don't want to take on children without the support of a school.
So, that leaves me with what options? Work at a coffee shop or warehouse like I used to? Retail? Office work? Waitress? I've been on the teaching path for so long that most of my non-teaching positions are more than 5 years ago. I've now had 11 jobs in my life and feel exhausted by the meaningless work, awful coworkers, incompetent bosses, and constant threat of being let go. The more I thought about applying for jobs the more depressed I became. I didn't want just a job, I wanted a career. My teaching path might be at a stand still, but that doesn't mean I have to be. After a lot of thinking, sleeping in too much during the weekdays, and one too many nights surfing the internet past a reasonable time, I decided to become a full time artist. It's not something I ever considered before because it seemed so uncertain and open ended, but right now it feels like exactly what I need. It can become whatever I make of it and I'll be in charge (to a certain extent). It's big and scary but it feels exciting and that's something I haven't felt since I was teaching.
Now the research and creating begins. I've already created myself a studio space in the basement after I swept away a ridiculous amount of dead spiders, bought myself some art supplies to start with, and have bought a few special art related things on Craigslist. The most important and useful thing I bought were two tickets to the Open Studios Tour. During the 2nd and 3rd weekends in October 100 Portland artists open their studios for the public to walk through. Tickets cost $15 and it's been so worth it! I've already got contacts for framing, galleries, supplies, and some really awesome painting tricks, and that's only from the first weekend. I was so inspired by all the creativity this weekend that today I made my first painting since college, and while it sucked (really it looks terrible) I'm still excited and optimistic about this adventure.
This blog, along with my life, has changed directions. Instead of being centered on education it will be documenting my journey to become an artist. It will be a lot of creating, research, networking, and putting myself out there in ways I never have before. Hopefully soon when people ask me what I do I can call myself an artist without laughing or adding "kinda".
Here's to starting over, peace!
Everyone has advice for me. Subbing is their main solution. I'm sorry, but teaching subjects I'm not qualified in, with students that aren't mine, in a school that probably turned me down for a teaching position...nothing about that gets me excited. I also don't want to just teach art classes at my house after school because I don't want to be used as daycare, I don't have any supplies, and what about liability? What if little Timmy lights himself on fire in my house while we're drawing (don't ask why there would be fire, I'm sure they'd find some)? Right now I don't want to take on children without the support of a school.
So, that leaves me with what options? Work at a coffee shop or warehouse like I used to? Retail? Office work? Waitress? I've been on the teaching path for so long that most of my non-teaching positions are more than 5 years ago. I've now had 11 jobs in my life and feel exhausted by the meaningless work, awful coworkers, incompetent bosses, and constant threat of being let go. The more I thought about applying for jobs the more depressed I became. I didn't want just a job, I wanted a career. My teaching path might be at a stand still, but that doesn't mean I have to be. After a lot of thinking, sleeping in too much during the weekdays, and one too many nights surfing the internet past a reasonable time, I decided to become a full time artist. It's not something I ever considered before because it seemed so uncertain and open ended, but right now it feels like exactly what I need. It can become whatever I make of it and I'll be in charge (to a certain extent). It's big and scary but it feels exciting and that's something I haven't felt since I was teaching.
Now the research and creating begins. I've already created myself a studio space in the basement after I swept away a ridiculous amount of dead spiders, bought myself some art supplies to start with, and have bought a few special art related things on Craigslist. The most important and useful thing I bought were two tickets to the Open Studios Tour. During the 2nd and 3rd weekends in October 100 Portland artists open their studios for the public to walk through. Tickets cost $15 and it's been so worth it! I've already got contacts for framing, galleries, supplies, and some really awesome painting tricks, and that's only from the first weekend. I was so inspired by all the creativity this weekend that today I made my first painting since college, and while it sucked (really it looks terrible) I'm still excited and optimistic about this adventure.
This blog, along with my life, has changed directions. Instead of being centered on education it will be documenting my journey to become an artist. It will be a lot of creating, research, networking, and putting myself out there in ways I never have before. Hopefully soon when people ask me what I do I can call myself an artist without laughing or adding "kinda".
Here's to starting over, peace!
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