A couple of weeks ago I had a perfect week. I woke up at 6am and exercised everyday, and was cranking out quality work in the basement. It was sunny weather, I took long walks while listening to my "Happy Songs" mix and I swear to god little blue birds chirped and flew around me as if they just knew I was full of win. Cut to a couple weeks later and while I haven't completely spiraled down into a black hole of sucking-at-life there has been some back sliding. I guess I just figured that all I needed was one good week to get the ball rolling and from there I could coast on my new found good habits. Turns out it doesn't quite work that way. What I can say is that I'm getting better about picking myself back up after a bad day. I know now that I can work the way I want to if I'm disciplined about it so I don't feel as helpless/worthless. I know that I can make up for some the time I wasted tomorrow if I work later or I can still salvage what is left of the day and chip away at something. This might seem like justifying being lazy, but it keeps me from paralyzing myself with guilt so right now it's something that works.
During my good week I got bored of listening to music and began to listen to Ted Talks instead. For those of you that haven't experienced the magic of Ted Talks CLICK HERE and prepare to become a better person. They are basically talks on various interesting subjects that are recorded and put on the internet for free. Usually the people are well known in some field, whether it's science, athletics, literature, etc. The first one that I watched was from the guy who started the 1000 Awesome Things website now turned into a book. It was an uplifting talk about how now matter how much stuff sucks we gotta keep going and find ways to be happy. The second video I really like was JK Rowling talking about failure and imagination. Be careful with this one people...I totally cried watching it. It's one thing to ugly cry in the basement because my cats don't judge but if you're someplace where you'll make a scene you've been warned. I loved this one because she talks about how much failure and poverty suck, but if you survive it you feel like you can survive anything. Bouncing back from failure and reinventing myself have been a major theme for me this year. The third talk I loved was Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of "Eat, Pray, Love", talking about creativity and artistic people. She talks about how hard it is for writers, musicians, and artists to put themselves out there and how different people think about and use inspiration. I should try talking the genius in my walls like she recommends. Together as a group these talks inspired me to find happiness in little things, to think of failure as an opportunity, and look at creativity in a different way. I've put all the links to the videos below in the hope that they will inspire you too. Have a really good week that's full of win and possibly blue birds.
Peace!
Well I actually did it...I graduated! It got pretty tough towards the end there, and to keep my head above water I had to cut myself off from the world and work. I was student teaching a freshman class at the high school in the morning, then driving over to the middle school and teaching two 7th grade classes in a row. After teaching and inhaling my lunch I usually tried to work on my 2nd work sample on my laptop for the rest of the day. This last term, while a little lighter on the work load, was emotionally draining and I was often fighting back tears or yells of protest during the day. Nothing like a good cry in the kiln room eh? Without going into details, lets just say that you can't always choose who you work with and as a grad student you have to grin and bare it...then drink when you get home.
There were several things that got me through this term besides alcohol though. What really helped me the most not just this term, but this entire year was my fiance Mike. Without his support, home cooking, advice and love I don't know if I would have survived this year without an ulcer. The other big thing that got me through was actually my students. I had some amazing classes this year that I really bonded with (shout out to the 1st period freshman art class in WACA!) and although at times we all wanted to strangle each other I think everyone learned something important, maybe me the most of all. Other people that I should thank are my mentor teacher Cathrine who is the most patient, inventive and dedicated teacher I've met, and my entire cohort at Western who always kept me laughing when I wanted to cry or fall asleep in class (remember: the answer is always Marzano!).
Please excuse the sappy rant, but the finality of this adventure is starting to sink in and I have a good glass of dessert wine beside me. I read in an NEA magazine once that every teacher should have an emergency file for when they don't think they can make it another day and they're wondering why they chose teaching. They recommended that you put in inspirational articles, letters from students, or anything else positive and motivating. Above my fiance's computer he's taped a story that he got from a coworker about teaching, and every once in a while I'll read it and am reminded of why I'm doing this. He recently found the online version of the article and I thought I'd post it here. Although I'm sure that many of you have read it before I encourage you to print it out and start an emotional-emergency file of your own for those days when you find yourself crying in the kiln room.
Peace, and remember: you make a goddamn difference!
http://rattle.com/blog/2009/04/what-teachers-make-or-if-things-dont-work-out-you-can-always-go-to-law-school-by-taylor-mali/
